Mixing It Up

Some people thrive in pursuit of themselves. Not in the sense of chasing their own tails in a hopeless quest to catch-up. But more in the sense of finding out who they truly are, and becoming comfortable with that fact.

Cynthia Paniagua used to feel divided by her mixed heritage, her multiple identities. Now she embraces her “multiplicity” as an asset, a way of sorts to blend in or out, in any number of places, at any given time.

“I finally figured out that it wasn’t a disadvantage to be the outsider,” Paniagua said in a recent conversation. “I’m glad that I’m not homogeneous. I’m Peruvian. I’m Puerto Rican. I’m a New Yorker. I’m Andean. I’m a Gringa.”

And Paniagua brings all of these elements of who she is to the conversation. And she is very confident in the fact that she is still a work in progress.

I’m glad that I’m not homogeneous. I’m Peruvian. I’m Puerto Rican. I’m a New Yorker. I’m Andean. I’m a Gringa.

Paniagua’s quest to “find her roots” was documented in the award-winning independent film “Soy Andina”, a film that follows her to Peru where she seeks to understand more of herself by exploring traditional dance and fusing that knowledge, that (cultural) sensibility, with a more modern context of movement. 

According to Paniagua, “History books only tell you so much about your culture, and in my case that wasn’t enough. Dance transcends all of that. It has helped me to connect with who I am.”

She is a professional dancer who splits her time between New York and Peru, between teaching and performing. She is a single mother who devotes her time to raising her daughter and providing for her, both in the traditional and the cultural context.

In 2003, while a senior at Hunter College in New York City, Paniagua applied for and received a prestigious Fulbright Scholarship to pursue her culture through dance. This became the context for her journey to Peru from 2004 -2005, and one of the story-lines of “Soy Andina”. This is just a part of Paniagua’s story, though.

Paniagua grew up in Flushing & Astoria, Queens, a borough of the greater New York City area. A traditionally Irish-American neighborhood, she was one of only two Latinas in her Catholic School. As she put it, she felt like one of the “only raisins in the cereal”.

Her father is Puerto Rican, though he was born in New York and identified more with the culture of his surroundings. As a musician, his culture was more about the music, kind of a “soul-funk mix”. Her mother is Peruvian, and as a single mother, did her best to give Cynthia a sense of her culture, the food, the music, the dance.

But in a way, her “Puerto Rican and Peruvian-ness” came more from her mother’s support system in helping to raise Cynthia, neighbors in their building who looked after Paniagua while her mom was at work. This support system became a “Puerto Rican, Dominican and Peruvian fusion”, with the Peruvian elements taking shape and precedence.

Paniagua and her mom traveled to Peru regularly as she was growing up, so the culture, the food, the music, and the dance were always present for her.

However, the Fulbright allowed her to really explore the culture from her own perspective, on her own terms, for the first time. And what she found was surprising to her.......

Paniagua began to feel that issues of identity, mostly hers, but also of those around her, were not so “cut and dry”. And through a “crisis of identity”, she began to connect more deeply with who she was and to be able to communicate the layers of herself more effectively to others.

Paniagua had always felt that this trip to Peru on her own would be like going home. But when she got there, home wound up not feeling like home at all, though it does now.

While she looked like a Peruvian, she spoke differently and acted differently, and people were quick to judge her on the fact that she was not from there.

As is the case throughout much of Latin America, perceptions of the United States are often colored by people’s distaste for our foreign policy, particularly recently, and the stereotype that we lack “culture” in life, family, food, etc. People began to generalize about Paniagua based on the fact that she grew up in the U.S. She felt strongly that she didn’t want to be stereotyped as “The Gringa”, and initially was defensive. Her response was to say, “You don’t know me. I’m not that girl. I’m real.”

when I shut up and just danced, people didn’t know the difference

However, Paniagua realized that “when I shut up and just danced, people didn’t know the difference”. This allowed her to be more observant of those around her, and she began to recognize the crisis in identity many of them were feeling too. “The clear struggle in identity between the Costeño’s and the Andinos (people from the coast and people from the mountains), and urban vs. rural people” which became more evident to Paniagua as she traveled outside of Lima and into the provinces of Peru.

A greater understanding of “issues of identity” has evolved for Paniagua since her Fulbright grant allowed her to study dance as a personal means of cultural anthropology, and through subsequent visits under the auspices of The U.S. Embassy as a cultural ambassador, as well as other sponsored visits and performances.

In fact, Paniagua has been noted by many for her perception of and sensitivity to the indigenous Peruvian struggle as an outsider looking in.

And this perceptiveness has guided her in her creativity.

Her own choreography blends modern dance and hip-hop with folkloric dance, often weaving in political undertones. Paniagua sees strong parallels between Hip Hop and Folkloric dance as both speak for the people. Both are multicultural.

““Hip Hop is similar to folk dance as they are a reflection of the socio-economic and political situations of the day”.

The irony of how she is exploring her roots and finding herself is not lost on Paniagua. Everything in her life takes that kind of twist.

“When I’m in Lima, I give Hip-Hop classes. When I’m in New York City, I teach Peruvian dance.”

It seems that Paniagua is always evolving her definition of who she is. “I was always less sure of what it meant to be American, not because I’m not proud of where I come from, but more because I’m not sure how much I have in common with someone from Oklahoma, let’s say…there’s too much breadth to the definition. I tend to call myself a New Yorker instead, if people want to categorize me, because that identifies everything I am, including all of the geographic and cultural pieces.”

Paniagua is off to Peru again in February for four months on another sponsored engagement. In the meantime she is applying to NYU to get her Masters in Fine Arts.

She’s a work in progress, comfortable in the pursuit of herself.